by DaedalDurst
Hello everyone, I, much like you, really enjoy this game and I feel really lucky to have bumped into it, there are a few things I like about Descent and a few things that are a niggling issue in my brain. Because of this I have created a list of top 5 best worst and blandest monsters in descent!To qualify for the following lists, they need to reach the following criteria:
For monsters that are the best, I have to enjoy using them and looking at them, they need to feel as though I could use them without being too annoying to other heroes and that they are evenly balanced most of the time or not too cheap when fighting heroes.
For monsters in the Blandest, I have to rarely ever use them, if at all because they are dull either by design or because there are similar monsters that do the same job, but better.
For monsters in the worst list, I need to get thoroughly annoyed just thinking about them, as though no effort was put into the character, or if they are so cheap, that using them can warrant a kick in the teeth.
Honestly though, this list is nothing more than caustic fun and shouldn't be taken too seriously. We all have monsters we like and dislike, and if you'd like to, feel free to make your own list in response to this one. It's a long weekend thanks to May bank holiday!
If you don't want to read through everything, I've made all of the answers bold in each separate paragraph for ease of identification. Without any further delay, lets get started.
5TH BEST MONSTER
Starting off our best list is actually from the initial game box which may surprise most people, but it set the bar so high for future large monsters and is the posterboy for overweight figure with a club. Enter the Ettin who can attack and throw heroes for maximum amusement. Their incredible damage output is offset by their rather low health which makes them dangerous, but not annoying, and capable heroes can still take them down comfortably whilst overlords can still get good mileage out of them, even when facing the most cautious of heroes. Of course there will be imitators and they may appear in this list elsewhere. Before any of you start typing away and letting me know that the other three monsters similar in function to the Ettin are in the conversion kit, ergo, they are actually older than the Ettin, give yourself a pat on the back now in order to feel better about yourself? Did that work? Didn’t think so.
5TH BLANDEST MONSTER
There were a few things that mildly annoyed me about the first Descent box with its 9 monsters and that was how it managed to tick off generic monster choices over interesting ones, but I eventually warmed to most of them. Zombies are necessary for mild peril and add atmosphere, goblin archers are strong in numbers and incredibly fast, and cave spiders can be thematically inserted into just about every map you can send them to and nobody would bat an eyelid because spiders live everywhere and you should consider burning your house down to kill them. What annoys me more however is when you buy a hero and monster collection, which isn’t cheap and receive more of the same, so come forward Bane Spider, an oversized spider that can poison and sometimes immobilize, but rarely ever gets picked because Cave spiders are more useful, or a larger monster with similar traits does its job better. Cheer up Bane Spider, at least you aren’t the blandest bug on the list!
5TH WORST MONSTER
The first addition to the worst list may shock some of you, but it may anger others to a real melting point and to be honest angry readers, you hurt me first. The Shadow Dragon is an awesome unit that some overlords play on every map, and doing so causes the unit to be met with internal groans from the hero players. Experienced players know how to deal with Shadow dragons easily, but we all know the Shadow Dragon isn’t in the worst because of his skills, or his design, he’s in the worst category simply because whenever most heroes see a shadow dragon, the game stops being fun for the most part. At least there are some overlords that don’t use you on every conceivable level.
4TH BEST MONSTER
One of the best things about Undead monsters is how they look. A skeleton is obviously something inside you so it is familiar, and it’s very easy to look at an Undead monster and think “This could easily have been my hero, had one of the many times I’ve been knocked out actually put me down permanently; my hero could be fighting for a cause he doesn’t believe in.” The Shambling Colossus adds to the skeleton without making it gaudy or like a modern art project; it looks intriguing and terrifying. The Bone Horror could have easily been in this place instead but it isn’t terrifying, perhaps that is why it’s called the Bone Horror and not the Bone Terror.
4TH BLANDEST MONSTER
You know it’s a bad day for a monster you when you can’t remember it exists. I actually went looking through all of the monsters and asked why I had two different kinds of shades, it was then that I remembered the Wraith that was added to a mini expansion much like other monsters purely to inflict a status condition, unlike the others though, this one is just dull. To make matters worse for the poor wraith, he’s become almost completely forgettable since the inclusion of the crow hag and the shade, one which can inflict any status condition as oppossed to the sub-par doom and the other which just looks infinitely cooler. On the bright side, Wraiths do have the reaper ability which is amazing, but I am consistently reminded of how amazing it is, simply because I forgot about the monster in the first place.
4TH WORST MONSTER
The biggest problem with creating your own kind of monster is that you have to knock it out of the park in one swing, lest you be remembered for creating a whole bunch of rubbish. The lost Kingdoms games on gamecube created many new and exciting monsters, one of which was a giant foot with a face on it and nobody batted an eyelid because of how awesome it was. The Ferrox, is not awesome. Instead of an interesting looking monster, they somehow produced some kind of green wrestler that was the lovechild of Gene Simmons and a troll. They may have relatively decent combat power and numbers, but just looking at them is enough to make anyones eyes audibly roll. Don’t worry though, to up their cool factor, FFG has let us know that “The most powerful Ferrox have a white stripe in their hair” which is just adorable because now my master monster looks as though it is going to go to a cosplay convention as Spike from Gremlins!
3RD BEST MONSTER
There’s something quite amazing about making something that looks like an Eldritch horror, (which, is actually a name of a board game made by FFG but funnily enough, not a good one) and then there is something equally fascinating in making said monster as unnerving as you may imagine them to be, which is why Chaos Beasts are 3rd on the list. Imagine going round a corner equipped with your Dragontooth hammer only to be greeted by a tentacle horror that is now just as strong as you. They also have the pleasure of being somewhat balanced thanks to matching with the attacks of heroes and they can be devastating by putting them right next to Gargan Mirklace. They have equal capacity to be annoying and fair which you can’t really say of many other units.
3RD BLANDEST MONSTER
It’s a real shame that this guy is on here, but 3rd place goes to the lava beetle and it really shouldn’t. The lava beetle is one of those instances where separating the status conditions by expansion boxes hurts the hero & monster collections sometimes. Instead of a monster that can inflict burning and blast with surges, we have a monster that can use blast(masters don’t have to spend a surge), or add 1 or 2 damage with surges. With the addition of burning, these guys could be something much more than they currently are, but if you want a 3 speed monster that rolls a gray defence die, there are other options and chances are, you’ve already tuned this guy out.
3RD WORST MONSTER
The first of the Ettin clones to be spoken about is the Giant. The giant may have a good defence roll and impressive health, but the effects it has leaves a lot to be desired. Giants are infuriating because they could be so much more, but instead, it’s a big guy with reach and we have plenty of them already. Why a giant can’t knock figures away physically, or throw them, or cause more status conditions just astounds me. The giant actually does so little, that it actually annoys me. Some of you out there may say the health and the black defence die should save it from a life of mediocrity, but no, it’s awful and you should convince yourself it isn’t bad before you try convincing me. We all know you’re lying to yourself…
2ND BEST MONSTER
I feel a bit dirty for adding this in the best list, there is a real whiff of tyranids from Warhammer 40k when I look at it, but my heart can’t be still when I look at them! The Volucrix Reaver is a gorgeous mini whose master can attack twice, but the unit has the defensive capabilities of a wet carrot. Whenever the master is seen on the field, immediate panic settles in as it can easily ruin a hero’s defences. A true glass cannon of descent, Volucrix reavers seem balanced despite their less than stellar health thanks to their damage output being reasonable and not cheap. Looking great is also a positive bonus and when it looks this good and hits this hard, why wouldn’t you pick it?
2ND BLANDEST MONSTER
Seeing as the best monsters have the Ettin and the Worst has the Giant, it’s only fair that the blandest finishes off the trifecta of large monsters equipped with clubs, thanks to having a sword, you get to leave this time Ogre, but don't come back here with some sort of dislodged tree or so help me you will be! The Troll is just plain boring. Though it has backswing and can arguably stun 4 heroes in one go, it’s never going to happen and the troll doesn’t even seem that troll-like, it’s just another big guy with reach. I'm not saying the Troll needs to be more like Bol'Goreth, but they could have pushed the troll a little further! Backswing does keep it off the worst list by at least having something to offer that is new or interesting, but the troll is a wasted space that could have been filled by a cat sith, or a kikimora, or a rusalka, or a puca, or literally any other kind of monster, but don’t say Cyclops, FFG might hear you…
2ND WORST MONSTER
There are some people in this world that get irate when you or somebody else uses your instead of you’re and I’m not one of those people, however I am one of those people who get annoyed when they call the monster in the book Frankenstein, Frankenstein. Imagine my horror then when they added a monster from Greek Mythology called the Medusa, who all of us on planet earth know as the GORGON fantasy flight games! It’s a GORGON. The fact they try to pluralise Medusa as Medusae infuriates me to no end. If you aren’t knowledgeable on Greek Mythology, that’s fine, but a game maker that is studying up on monsters should probably know the difference. To me, it makes about as much sense as calling Kyndrithul a Dracula, or a Shadow Dragon a Toothless, or a Changeling your mum! What's that you ask? How good is it in combat? Yeah it's okay...
1ST BEST MONSTER AND WINNER OF THE ABSOLUTE DARLING OF DESCENT!
I’ll be honest with you, the best monster stunned even me, I honestly thought a dragon would be my favourite monster when I started playing this game, but I find one dragon annoying and the other two Dragons simply “Ok”. The winner of the best monster award is the Reanimates. They somehow seem perfectly balanced by having swarm, but not being walking spawners like Kobolds, they have a brown die for defence, but get a grey when next to a member from their own unit. If you wanted to be that guy, you can use a plot deck and replace a master figure with a lieutenant, or you can replace a master and a minion with a character like Ardus. Simply put, Reanimates can be a lot of fun, even if minions only naturally roll 1 attack die. Try them out in your next game with a plot deck and have Ardus or Zachareth lead them in a 3-4 hero game. The amusement is almost non-stop!
1ST BLANDEST MONSTER AND WINNER OF THE AWARD OF MOST LIKELY TO EAT A BREAD SANDWICH!
There are some people who will actively defend the choice for blandest and I guess that’s fine, but once I reveal exactly what it is, I want you to think of the last time you CHOSE to use this, I say again, CHOSE to use this, so not in a mandatory campaign section and not in the Road to Legend app. Okay? Okay. The blandest monster is the Harpy… Yeah I didn’t think so. Harpies are kind of cool, if you look at the old Jason and the Argonauts films, they are equal parts terrifying and hilarious and if you look at the Japanese Yu-Gi-Oh cards, kind of arousing in that busty winged aerobics instructor kind of a way, but one thing they are not, is boring. In Descent, Harpies are boring. All of their skills are dull and it’s honestly hard to remember them from the top of my head because it made almost no impression. There are many monsters that hit the 5 speed points and some that exceed that and though Harpies have fly, I never pick them simply because they are boring, absolutely boring. I guess you could get some amusement out of playing Harpies whenever the heroes play Seer Kel for odd Greek Mythology humour, but that’s it really and even then that’s one chuckle followed by you putting them back in the box for the rest of the campaign because why would you actively repeat a joke that was only sort of funny to begin with? We could always ask Paul Feig…
1ST WORST MONSTER AND WINNER OF THE ACCIDENTALLY THREW UP IN AN OPEN CASKET AT A FUNERAL AWARD!
The worst monster pick is hard to do, when I was writing the blandest monsters in descent, I honestly felt a little guilty about some of them because I do want to like them, it’s just that I lost the capacity to do so shortly after Descent labotomised me with this addition to the game. I genuinely dislike this monster and without my reasons, it would have easily found its way onto the Blandest at number one instead of the Harpy. Step forth Dark priests, a paperweight fighter that can easily be replaced by Flesh Moulders, in fact, just stick with flesh moulders. They have the same speed as flesh moulders, they have the same attack dice as flesh moulders, they have the same monster traits as flesh moulders, but they have a brown die for defence and can’t use mend. “But Dark Priests have more health than Flesh Moulders!” I hear you blubber “And you can have flesh moulders and dark priests on the same map!” Yes you can reader, but that doesn’t mean you should. Firstly, do you want to be known by your friends as the cheap one that tries to stave off defeat not by skill but by being annoying? If so, then certainly take the dark priests with the flesh moulders and spam your healing abilities on your important lieutenants, I in the meantime will watch on as your friendship count dwindles because you are being the most infuriatingly boring overlord the world has ever seen...
Well that's my list ladies and gentlemen, I posted this whole thing through a VPN so you can't come to my house and break my kneecaps, so instead, why not post your best worst and blandest of descent?